The 4th day at Vancouver, July 18, Wed, afternoon, ECE package A Class B.
I’m at the center of the 4th row, just like other student, I pretend to do some note.
But I have notice that there are some serious problems with my mental health.
I’m already not able to focus on anything, my hands and shaking, breath disordered.
What a mess in my mind, almost every complex emotions come to explode my head.
I realized it’s my own problem, but not any others.
I’ve hate someone, try to avoid somebody on purpose.
But it’s not their fault, even they act bad as ever.
I was waiting for the course changing permission from Gregor which may works on turning my status back to normal.
But I was wrong.
Even Gregor reply me in the next second, it does not matter at all.
I started to delete my footprint in social platform, just something not that important seems to be.
It works a little, and turn bad again just after half bottle of water.
I started to delete anything, by time order, one by one.
It’s really a wonderful feeling that, I’m addictive to it, non stop.
Till I’ve deleted everything of July, I think it’s time for a rest, and a more strange feeling welling up from my breast. It’s a pleasure that wondering what I’m doing, or, doing thing with no meaning.
As what I’ve always done before, sending meaningless moment and waiting for thumb up, that’s it.
And then I start writing this blog which makes me feel good.
I should have taking note at this time if in normal.
But it feels good.
I should not blame at someone if he keep active all the time, as far as I can see.
It’s his right to do so and if there are any uncomfortable feelings within me, that’s my own stuff.
I realized that it’s really a mental disease and I have to see a doctor.
All the time, not only at Vancouver, I can’t hold myself when somebody is deadly active among people.
Byoumei wa?
I dunno
I guy besides suddenly say hello and wake me up from my fucking imagination, but I know his is not my savior.
Pain stay still…
Sty still…
Still…